Self Portraits
My work consists of acrylic self portraits that explore my experience with emotions as someone who struggles with emotional regulation. Given that I feel emotions on a very muted level, when more complex emotions arise, I find myself struggling to define and categorize what I am feeling. Through visually depicting feelings that I am unable to describe with words, I can gain a deeper understanding of myself while better expressing myself to others. This is a way in which I can communicate with others and give a voice to those who also struggle with communication. In my paintings, I include the complexity of feelings surrounding alienation, depression, anxiety, overstimulation, and mania.
I work in semirealism in order to make my work more personal. In doing so, I am forcing myself to push past my barrier of muted emotions to find the full spectrum of feelings that I often push down. By making my art accurate to my real appearance, I am doing away with idealizing or making myself more palletable- which would defeat my whole purpose of introspection.
My goal is to create a deeper understanding of emotions and to explore beyond the bounds of how we as a society have been taught to sort them each into their own individual boxes. I find that assigning cut and dry categories to each feeling can make understanding myself more difficult, especially when I feel that how I process my emotions does not perfectly line up with their definitions. Through my paintings, I can show who I am beyond what words can describe.